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1. Obsession. The individual is consumed by thoughts of romantic intrigue. The mind seems to whir away of its own accord, devises plots and plans to obtain the romantic high. Concentration is shattered, judgment impaired. Obsession begins the cycle that drives the individual to the next phase and beginnings the cycle that drives the individual to the next phase and intensifies as the process plays itself out.

An episode of obsessive thinking can be triggered by almost anything: meeting an attractive person passing someone on the street seeing a picture on a billboard experiencing an emotional low point of self-pity or depression even passing through a location where the obsession was triggered on a prior occasion. The very promises that the addict makes to avoid triggering the obsession can themselves serve as a trigger. It is truly a no-win situation.

2. The Hunt. The individual is driven to follow through on the obsession. Inevitably he begins to seek out something or someone that will satisfy that drive. If his object of choice is another person, he may cruise the singles’ bars. If he is hooked primarily on novels or movies, he will often go through rather elaborate rituals of selecting “just the right book” or video, setting the scene with music and dim lighting, and so on.

The stronger the obsession, the more diligent the hunt. This is another point at which interference with normal life becomes noticeable if it results in time away from work or home responsibilities. Only one of two things will stop the hunt: finding the object being sought or being caught looking.

3. Recruitment. When the object of the hunt is something inanimate, like a book or movie, recruitment is as simple as a business transaction: buy the book or rent the video. When the object is another person, however, the recruitment phase is far more complex. Romance addicts become remarkably skillful at enlisting other people to play the necessary role to complete their romantic fantasy. Sometimes this takes the form of a non-sexual seduction.

Recruitment is always risky. The addict might be embarrassed to run into someone she knows while buying a book with a lurid cover or renting an unsavory video. Worse yet, she might be seen cruising bars or other public places looking for a partner. Worst of all, she might find a prospective partner but have her overtures rebuked.

Yet that risk only heightens the romantic intoxication. The rush of adrenaline that accompanies the danger of being caught or found out further propels the addictive cycle.

4. Gratification. Gratification occurs when the addict succeeds, by whatever means, at realizing her romantic fantasy. The book, the soap opera, the movie “does the trick.” Or the combination of soft music and candlelight enables her to play out a technicolor romantic dream in her mind. Or another person is found who responds positively to her advances. The “itch” has been scratched, at least for the moment.